Category: Helping People Thrive

Assertive selfishness is not equal to aggressive selfishness

Assertive Selfishness is not equal to Aggressive Selfishness

“Selfish” is not a four-letter word. We’re taught from infancy that being selfish is bad.We condition ourselves to believe we must be selfLESS to be good. That story we tell ourselves results in frustration, exhaustion, and burnout. We’re missing the nuances of being selfish. While it’s advisable to avoid being “aggressively selfish” – displaying toxic…
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Image of kids feet in large shoes

Stop Trying to Put Yourself In Someone Else’s Shoes

Imagine someone close to you complaining about their shoes. They’re too tight. They cause blisters.  There’s a weird bump at the toe. “Let me see,” you say as you slip your feet inside. “These aren’t too tight! And there is no weird bump!”  Empathy? Not really. Unsurprisingly, their size 12 shoes are not too tight for your size 9…
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Woman standing looking at brain on fire

Think of Stress as Your Brain on Fire

When you’re under stress, all your brain cares about is that it is on fire. Not the work you are trying to do.Not the lesson someone is trying to teach you.Not the conversation someone is trying to have with you.Not the goal you need to work on. It’s too preoccupied with the fire. It usually…
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Two people in a canoe paddling in opposite directions

Paddling in Opposite Directions

Tired.Frustrated.Demotivated.  So much time, energy, and money expended. And yet we’re still in the same spot on the lake.  I’m angry at them. They’re angry at me.  I’m working hard! We’re getting nowhere. It must be THEIR fault.  If one of the people in the canoe changed direction, in just a few minutes there would be more progress…
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Leading Change Relationships Matter text

Relationships Matter When Leading Change

Building relationships isn’t a distraction from the work – it IS the work.  Leading people and leading change requires providing a clear destination, guiding people to align, and supporting them to get where they need to go. No matter the type or size of the change, each individual will be called upon to change how…
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Person stuck at a barrier with a clear path behind and to the left of him and "your path forward may be behind you"

Your Path Forward May Be Behind You

Did you “go on a lion hunt” as a child?  Going on a lion hunt.Gonna catch a big one.I’m not scared. Uh oh!  A log.Can’t go over it. Can’t go under it.Can’t go through it.Gotta go around it! As children, we knew the best way was around, but as adults, we often get to a barricade and…
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frustrated kid crying while holding teddy bear in dirty room, post apocalyptic concept

Childhood: The Root of the Stories We Tell Ourselves

*trigger warning – aggressive relationship experiences I can see their anger building.  I know the explosion is coming.  My heart races.  My brain goes into autopilot.  I can stop this.  I must stop this.  I tried to walk on eggshells.  To keep the peace.  It didn’t work.  I’m so used to being here.  I react…
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Everything was not fine

Everything was not fine

“We don’t get a lot of complaints around here” It was true.  People did not complain.  – They did as they were told. – They put in the long hours needed to get their jobs done.  – They made the most of the “open-door policy,” frequenting their manager’s office to ask questions and understand how the Manager…
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Why Are We Stuck?

Why are we stuck doing things that aren’t a good investment of our time and energy? In a recent post, I noted that if you’re like many leaders, you’re spending a lot of your time, energy, and money in three main areas that are holding you back from doing your best to lead people and achieve…
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Are You Making the Most of Your Resources?

If you’re like many leaders, you’re spending a lot of your time, energy, and money in three main areas that are holding you back from doing your best to be productive, lead people, and achieve success: FIREFIGHTING 🧯 Managing emergencies, reacting to unexpected problems, trying to quickly resolve symptoms with a patchwork of temporary and…
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